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Dying To Know by Michael Holmes, R.N. copyright 2005, all rights reserved |
Note This book is no longer sold separately, but is part of the 2-book anthology... |
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About Dying To Know Dying To Know is fun, thought-provoking and educational... all at the same time. It turns the morbid consensus view of death upside down and looks at people as we really are; i.e. as complex and wondrous, magical beings. Most of us have had some sort of magical experience at some time in our lives... a vision, a flash of inspiration, a profound intuition, some sort of direct knowing... but we are inclined not to talk about it. We don't want to be thought of as "odd." Dying To Know helps readers recognize that being wondrous and magical is okay... it is, in fact, a part of who we really are. If not before, we will become more acquainted with this aspect of our selves when we are dying. Crossing The Creek is for those who suddenly find themselves dealing with death & dying and need to learn as much as they can as quickly as they can. Dying To Know, on the other hand, should be read before that time arrives, so as to be better prepared. Michael Holmes, R.N. |
Excerpts from
Dying To Know
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Doctors, Preachers & Such
Note: This chapter addresses how well certain categories of individuals deal with dying, particularly their own. For example; how does the average person cope with dying compared to doctors, preachers, intellectuals and fundamentalists? You might be surprised. If you happen to be from one of these categories you may respond defensively. Be that as it may, you would do well to give it some thought.
Much to my surprise, some of those I have seen who seemed overly frightened by their impending death were “men of the cloth.” Of all people! I thought that ministers of the gospel would tend to be among the more stout of heart in that regard. Instead I found they were, if anything, more spooked than the average Joe.
Grandma's Cookies
Note: This chapter explores the whys and wherefores of issues raised in chapter 1. It probes into the stages we go through when learning complex and profound lessons, describing behavioral patterns typical of people in each stage.
It is well known that some of the most vociferous and ardent members of any group or congregation are its newest converts. They are the ones who are most unabashedly enthusiastic… like the rookie prospector who just panned his first nugget and is certain he will soon be filthy rich. Frantically excited with their new-found “truths,” these folks want the whole world to know they have hit pay dirt. They are the ones who come knocking on your door to clue you in as to how spiritually enlightened they are… or at least, hope they are… and they are looking for validation from you. And like all good marketers they are apt to suggest how things will probably not go well for you if you refuse.
A Basic Paradox
Note: This paragraph has to do with a playground fight I got into when I was in first grade, along with a realization that struck me at that tender age. In general, the chapter describes a profound, spiritual truth... one that is key to understanding human nature. I might add that it is a spiritual truth now supported by leading scientists in the fields of Quantum Physics and the study of Consciousness.
I was stunned… utterly stunned. I do not know why such a thought would pop into a six year old’s head. I remember looking down into his face and seeing his horror… and somehow that horror got transferred to me. Damn! I still wanted to bloody his nose, but now somehow all the fun went out of it. In fact, it was the opposite of fun. I sensed that I would be hurting me… and I don’t like being hurt. There was no moral or ethical consideration to it… it was purely practical. If I hit him I would feel pain… and I am not into pain. Stunned and confused, I got up. I do not recall saying anything, just walking off.
Below Decks
Note: Generally, this chapter describes how we humans were taught to deal with our emotions and how our skill (or lack of skill) in that arena affects how we die.
Having experienced the training first hand, it is easy for me to see how men become emotionally lopsided through routine socialization processes, but the gals don’t get out of this scott free… not by a long shot.
We have often heard it said, usually by a female, that men “are out of touch with their emotions.” True enough, I won’t argue that point. But it is a definite case of the pot calling the kettle black. Women are out of touch with their emotions too… just different ones is all.
Parachutes
Note: This chapter describes specific techniques we employ in mitigating the impact of our emotions; how those techniques can be helpful and how they can be destructive. Part of this chapter includes the following, somewhat tongue-in-cheek job description for physicians.
Which brings to mind another of the professional hazards of being a physician; workaholism. If you are not a dyed-in-the-wool workaholic you can forget about a career in medicine. The job “medical doctor” has evolved in such a way as to preclude having a life. A person can have a life or a person can be a doctor… but not both. If you want to become a doctor you will simply have to accept the fact that every waking moment for the rest of your life will be spent being a doctor. You will be looked up to and admired… put on a pedestal even… but you will not have time to eat or sleep regularly. You should make a fair amount of money and your spouse and kids will have a fine time spending it… but you won’t… you’ll be too busy. The only people who qualify for this line of work are hopeless workaholics…
Absolute Truth
Note: This paragraph has to do with a dying woman claiming to have seen her long dead husband and whether or not one would consider that sort of thing to be "real." It is the most revealing of some of the author's personal experiences (such as "seeing" a man leaving his body at the moment of death) and it brings the ideas expressed in the book full circle.
Somewhere along the line you just don’t question it any more. Not that it becomes blasé… it never ceases to fascinate… but eventually it does cease to be a surprise. At that point one’s response changes from, “Oh really?” to “What did he have to say?” Instead of wondering if it is real, one wonders about the specifics of the interaction… who said what? I suppose that is the point where one could be said to have “gone around the bend.”